She turned off my lights, man.

Sucked the air right out the room.
When she left, that is.

I miss the way her hair would bounce, when she walks. When she turns to look at me, with her smile. HER smile.
Her voice... speaking my name. When she called me "Honey", I could taste it.
A beautiful tone curling around my ear canal- burning through my nervous system like an all consuming fire.
Her gaze a sultry, dark supernova of passion.

She made me believe I could do anything. And I wanted to do everything for her.
The fact that she was with me blew my mind. The fact she even existed in this terrible world... made me believe that it could be a better one. And I wanted to live there.
Man, I wanted to die there.

She was everything... and now she's gone.

She took only what belonged to her, but she took everything.

She told me it wasn't my fault, but also that there was nothing I could do.
She couldn't stay.
The sun had set.

What brings me to this is my latest brush with happiness, 8 months worth, and the cold lifeless reality since.

Early in 2007 I found my true love. A beautiful, sexy, talented, dark & sassy intelligent lady we'll call "Simone". "Simone" was the twin sister (twin Geminis. Yes, I know..) of the longtime girlfriend of another old friend of mine. She'd moved to L.A. a year earlier to reconnect with her sister and further their jewelery business. Her sister always said we should hook up even way back when we all lived in NYC, but we always passed like ships in the night.

Well many years later both of us end up across the country and we finally hooked up, and right away it was a love that you could see and feel a real future emanating from. I had six years in L.A. ripping me to shreds, plus the fallout of a failed engagement back in NYC that I jetted this damn town for still radiating off me. (I was more broke up about the return to L.A. than the actual breakup.)

I was determined to do anything I had to to keep this woman in my life. Her stats were off the charts: Liked Star Wars, didn't hate sports, slightly geeky, beautiful, sexy, was graceful (even if she didn't think so), humorous, amorous, & smart.
She'd cast her presence around me adorned in pink, or in darker hues, skirts, or in jeans, her dark hair cascading down over her shoulders, or wrapped atop her head.
She was with me and I still had a crush on her.

Once I had asked her if she'd like to go to Comic-Con in San Diego with me, she replied "I'll go anywhere with you."
*crush*
And man, did I ever want her to.

She was a vision. Even when she slept, she had the most peaceful looking sleep. Sometimes I would come into the darkened bedroom to see her lying languid on the bed, her body turned the way pulp artists would draw femme fatales when they had their wiles turned up to eleven.
She has this tattoo on the back of her neck that spelled out 'faith' which would usually be the first thing I'd see in the morning light.

She'd tell me that she felt safe with me, and I would start lifting weights and ponder getting back into Karate. My senses heightened like some battle-hardened warrior of legend, I would scan everyone and everything around us for signs of potential danger when we went out.
I wanted to protect her. I never felt so alive.
I was Spider-Man, Daredevil, and Batman all at once. She was Mary Jane, Elektra, and Talia.

When life's ocean got choppy for her, I had no problems handing her the invitation to stay with me. I'm no commitment-phobe. I've never had a problem with the idea of staying with one woman. I had a girl breakup with me once not only because she couldn't believe I wasn't like the "others" that girls are supposed to be mindful of, but she thought I was marriage material and she wasn't ready. Not that I had even suggested it, we'd only been seeing each other for a couple of months anyway.

But, "Simone" was completely different. A geeky, feminine, street-smart woman. And all into me.

Not so much anymore.